I'm so full I can't stand it

So, I've struggled with weight my entire life. I'm currently at 165 lbs or so and I am 5 foot7. I have never been happy with my weight but in the last few years I've gained a total of 30 lbs... and before that had lost about 4o lbs. This is the story of my life. 

I am starting this blog in a desperate attempt to change my life. I am 31 years old, and do not have much money. I just spent $30 on an ice cream cake, donut holes and a pound bag of m&m's.  I ate all of the donuts, some of the M&M's and a couple pieces of cake. Afterwards, I just wanted to throw the rest away, but I couldn't because I spent so much on them. I feel guilty. I feel bad. I feel fat. I feel stupid.

I feel old enough that I should know why I do this to myself. I've gone for some time without obsessing about eating food, but if I remember correctly, I obsessed about counting calories, or exercising, or shopping for new clothes.  Clearly there is a pattern here.

What is hurting me the most is that I truly feel at this point in time, I cannot stop!  I have tried to usual tactics that have succeeded for me in the past... starving myself, working out two hours a day, fasting, dieting, counting calories, tanning in the hopes of getting prepared for summer and trying out a bikini... nothing is working.

I wasn't hungry when I ate all the food today. I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I spent all that money and ate it and now I feel full and fat. And I consciously tell myself tomorrow I will start over...  and I wake up and eat Oreo's and whip cream.

I need help and I don't know what to do.